Tuesday, January 18, 2011

February 19th, 2004 Almost midnight. Strange things are happening

If you have just got here, welcome to The Beautiful Undead series, if you missed Viv's very last journal entry which starts the series and features her death called Death at Dawn . Also, click here if you missed her very first journal entry called This City Sucks.  Or if you missed Viv figuring out what happened last night and how did she end up in Von's apartment, click here. Or scroll down :)  You can also read The Beautiful Undead at Figment.com: http://figment.com/books/7928-The-Beautiful-Undead


February 19th, 2004  Almost midnight.  Strange things are happening

So, it’s been over a week and I’m still here in Von’s apartment.  He keeps saying it will be safer if I stay at his place, but I have the feeling he just doesn’t want me to open my mouth and share the details of the night I got shot with anyone. He asked me every day since I’ve been here where I went and who I spoke to.  But typically I just stay in his apartment all day and typically there is absolutely no one I speak to. The longest conversation I’ve had is saying “Thank you” to the grocery store clerk when I couldn’t reach the pasta sauces on the top shelf.  Von has absolutely no food in the fridge besides the few things that I buy for myself.  He is never here to eat dinner with either.
I’m glad he leaves me about $60 a day to survive on.  But usually I don’t spend most of it and just leave it on the table.
Von had someone go to my shitty ex-apartment last week and collect my things. He basically demanded that I couldn’t do it.  I was sooo pissed. I mean having someone who you don’t know go to pick up your underwear and stuff, I felt really invaded. 
But, my stuff is here now. In 5 small cardboard boxes but even though it seems like I moved in, I still don’t feel like this is home.
My purse has its ritual spot and Von has even offered me his bed.

He sleeps on the couch, that is, when he does sleep which is rare. I never see him at night, I hardly see him at all, but I can’t help but wonder why he is being so nice to me.  I hope it’s not just from pity.   Maybe I shouldn’t worry so much and just trust fate but I wonder, I always do about everything. Like how I am supposed to act as a vampire now? How come I don’t feel a need for blood? Why is my body feeling so weird lately?
The first week after Von bit the bullet out of the back of my neck, my body felt sore and exhausted but now it feels strange. Not a bad strange, but a good strange.  
In the shower tonight my hands looked different.  They don’t look like my hands anymore. My nails have grown longer. They look more feminine and pretty. And my hair is different too. After my hair dried it looked 5 inches longer, and my teeth looked whiter too!
Strange things are happening. It’s like all those glamourized things I admired from a distance in the pages of Vogue of the famous and rich, are now mine. Long nails, shiny long hair, white teeth.  But, my gums, they’re killing me!  I took some Advil but it didn’t stop the pain.
I guess this is all because of Von’s bite to my neck. Maybe my body is getting a second chance or something and is transforming into a better me? 
I now have a new last name also.
One afternoon during my first week at Von’s I was looking through his bookshelf and noticed Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. I was lying on the couch almost asleep with the book on my lap when Von came home.  It was well past midnight.  I hadn’t seen him in days. I sat up and created enough room on the couch for him to sit. When he sat next to me he looked really gorgeous, his hair was slicked back and styled, but did he have a shine of lip-gloss on his lips? Was he with a girl?  Was it wrong for me to wonder?
Also did he have foundation or powder on his face?
Von stretched his arms behind him and yawned and mentioned how “They always want so much out of him.”  They?
Who is ‘They’?  I kept wondering but he seemed so tired and he was finally home, so I figured it was best to not ask a million questions about where he had been.
Then he put his head against my arm, of course I was shocked, but I liked him next to me. He smelled like a pine forest. His eyes wandered to the book in my lap. And then he said if he could have been any fictional character in literature he would have been Pip in Great Expectations.  It was kind of hard to believe that he had time to read, or could relate to such a downtrodden character but whatever. 
I mentioned how sad I thought it was that Miss Havisham was left at the altar, and that’s when Von said, “Perfect!”  I was kind of shocked by his excitement, because this moment he was so quiet, so stiff. But then he said, “Your last name should be Havish.”   I thought he was kidding, but he wasn’t.  He thought the V sound had an edge to it.   He liked it. 
Havish. Havish. Writing it feels so weird.
Vivian Havish. Viv Havish.  It does have a sort of intrigue about it.  Well, it’s already been done anyway. I went to the DMV right before they closed yesterday, so I’ll have my new ID soon, and Von said he would help get my other new personal documents.  He seems so connected, like he skips the line at Starbucks and no one even bitches.  I think he might even be a little famous in this town.
I’m so stupid, I haven’t even asked Von what his last name is, maybe it’s wrong to stay at someone’s apartment you barely know but something inside is telling me to stay and also I have a feeling Von won’t be letting me leave anytime soon. He says it's very important for me to stay at his place, at least until my fangs come in.
~Viv

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